What does bullying look like?

Bullying can start with something as simple as teasing. Whether it’s about a kid’s physical appearance, hygiene, or home life – what matters is how these comments are received by the person they land on.

“A lot of what I saw is what teenagers call ‘baking’ or ‘treating’ or ‘roasting’ – they were teasing each other,” said Andrea Rosenberg, manager of learning partnerships [PK1] at Mercy Home. “It would be all fun and games until it actually hurt someone’s feelings.”

Rosenberg leads Mercy Home’s Resilient Schools program and has worked with students and teachers for ten years inside and outside of the classroom. She also spent several years working in youth programs at Mercy Home. During this time, she developed a set of rules regarding teasing.

“It’s kind of hard to know as an adult – when does it cross the line?” Rosenberg said. “I think it crosses the line when someone is hurt by it. Some of my experience in residential was that kids don’t seem hurt by it on the outside, but it is impacting their self-esteem. As the adult, you play a role to encourage young people to relate to their peers without teasing and by having positive conversations and relationships.”

Rosenberg leads Mercy Home’s Resilient Schools program and has worked with students and teachers for ten years inside and outside of the classroom. She also spent several years working in youth programs at Mercy Home. During this time, she developed a set of rules regarding teasing.

“It’s kind of hard to know as an adult – when does it cross the line?” Rosenberg said. “I think it crosses the line when someone is hurt by it. Some of my experience in residential was that kids don’t seem hurt by it on the outside, but it is impacting their self-esteem. As the adult, you play a role to encourage young people to relate to their peers without teasing and by having positive conversations and relationships.”

But bullying can be more than just teasing – it can be physical as well. A child may experience physical bullying if they are regularly hit, kicked, or pushed by their peers. Some of the signs that a child is experiencing physical bullying include cuts or bruises and damaged clothing.

If you see a child being physically bullied, you should step in if possible, or alert the proper authority. According to Stopbullying.Gov, when bystanders intervene, bullying stops within 10 seconds 57% of the time.

And just as technology has transformed the way students learn in the classroom, it has also changed the way kids bully each other. In the past, bullying may have ended at the schoolyard or the bus stop, but now, cyber-bullying allows harassment to take place via social media or text messaging, even when children are at home.

Why do kids bully?

As adults, we absolutely want to provide immediate assistance to a child who is being bullied. But rather than simply punishing the bully for their negative behavior, it’s important to understand why that person is bullying. What has happened in their life that has caused them to act this way? Oftentimes, there is more than meets eye.

“Mercy Home’s perspective is through thinking about trauma and adversity. Thinking about, ‘a young person is bullying other kids, but what happened to them that may be at the source of this behavior?’” Rosenberg said.

“I’d say it’s very likely that they have been bullied – from all the way to maybe being teased as a child, to having experienced a high level of abuse or neglect – and those experiences are impacting how they relate to peers. Our relationships very early in life, people who care for us – whether it’s mom and dad, grandma and grandpa – are our blueprint for how we relate to other people.”

It may not always seem like it, but the person who is bullying others may need just as much help as the person they are bullying. In taking the time to understand their situation, you may be able to prevent some very serious negative outcomes down the road.